“As a dutiful granddaughter, I am willing to do everything for the Yan Family.” Yan Huaiying straightened and bowed. “Grandfather, believe in me. I will not allow Yan Huaishi to succeed, and I will chase that shameless Imperial Envoy out of South Sea.”
“Don’t be anxious. Just do what needs to be done.” Grandfather Yan replied. “Huaiyuan is right. This matter cannot be delayed. There is no day better than today. If we plan everything and make a public proposal, the Imperial Envoy will certainly obstruct us. Wenhong, arrange this matter now. We will send the Young Madam tonight...”
“Yes!”
Feng Zhiwei had no idea what the Yan Family was fantasizing, still occupied with her aching stomach. She could not walk far with the pain, so she stopped by a railing by the sea and pressed her stomach into the stone rail. Smiling, she turned to Yan Huaishi. “Can you explain?”
Yan Huaishi gripped the rail and looked out into the water. His eyes glistened as he stared silently out into the night, and finally he began to whisper: “I am my Grandfather’s eldest son’s only child, but I am not my father’s biological son. The second year after my father married my mother, he left on a long voyage. While he was gone, my Grandfather’s younger brother broke in... and then... I was born...”
Feng Zhiwei turned.
Incest?
In the tradition heavy South Sea and the bloodline venerating Tian Sheng, what a truly miserable origin!
No wonder the other Yan Family members thought him poisonous, and no wonder the Family Head called him a b.a.s.t.a.r.d! No wonder he left for Dijing and could not even secure credit for his outstanding merit.
What kind of life could Yan Huaishi have had here? Growing up humiliated and abused and alone.
Feng Zhiwei thought back to the first time they met, at the gates of Qing Ming. The clever, bright young man with his sunny smile had instantly understood the value of the seal she held, and had helped her open the gates of Qing Ming and open the gates to this colorful and spectacular life.
Feng Zhiwei bit her lips, her heart aching. Finally, she replied: “Huaishi, we cannot choose our birth, but we can choose our future.”
Yan Huaishi stared at her, nervous and anxious and afraid. Even though he was used to judgement and disdain and was even prepared for it, he knew that if Wei Zhi showed him such a face the cut would be that much deeper.
But fortunately that did not happen. Wei Zhi was shocked, but the shock was quickly replaced by quiet sadness. He looked into him with eyes of commiserating sorrow, and Yan Huaishi felt all his years of despair and loneliness burst in his chest and flood forth.
He quickly turned his eyes away, pretending to stare off into the distance.
After a long pause, Feng Zhiwei gently asked: “Where is your mother now?”
Yan Huaishi stiffened, and he replied: “She is... cultivating at a Buddhist nunnery in Ying Zhou... Grandfather said she was a disgrace and banned her from the Family Gates...”
“How was this your mother’s fault? A powerless woman suffers such terrible misery and instead of being comforted is tossed out into the world?” Feng Zhiwei spat with cold fury, and then she sighed. Her words were useless — no one else shared them. In this world, women were inferior to men, and in the matters between them, no matter who caused the evil, the blame would always fall on the woman.
Perhaps only Feng Zhiwei was different. Her mother was raised in an open minded General’s family and had excelled in both literature and martial matters, even leading troops as a female General. Her mother did not consider women inferior to men, and Feng Zhiwei had been raised on such a.s.sumptions; in the end, his mother had never spoken her beliefs in so many words, and Feng Zhiwei had learned the most from the mysterious notebook, from the writer’s enthusiastic thoughts on female independence and selfhood.
Yan Huaishi stared at Wei Zhi in disbelief. Everyone in this world impugned the woman for her failure and her weakness, and the entire Yan Family was ashamed of her. Even Yan Huaishi had hated his mother for many years in his youth; he hated that she had not struggled to the death; he hated that she had not killed herself after the shame; he hated that he had been born.
But Wei Zhi’s first reaction was to take up his mother’s mantle and fight for her. Yan Huaishi clutched the railing as a shuddering gasp ran through him, his heart and mind unsteady.
The two fell into silence again, and then Feng Zhiwei asked the difficult question: “Then... what happened to your Granduncle?”
Yan Huaishi stared into the night. Finally, he replied: “He was beaten and then chased out. He runs his own business now in Yong Zhou.”
Feng Zhiwei quirked her lips into a cold, joyless smile.
An incestuous rapist and adulterer was only beaten and then allowed to enjoy his life somewhere else while the victim suffered for the rest of her life, trapped in a nunnery and forever marred with bitterness and humiliation. Not even her child was sparred, forced to suffer for the crime of existence.
“Then the Yan Family has blackmailed you?”
“Yes.” Yan Huaishi quietly replied. “When the Imperial Court conferred the t.i.tle of Imperial Merchant to the Yan Family, and Elder told me that the Family was very pleased at my contribution, but since I must return to South Sea eventually, he suggested that it would be more advantageous to register Yan Huaiyuan’s name. I agreed that I must return one day for my mother, so I accepted.
“When the Imperial Court decided to found the Maritime Department, the family suggested that if I acted well, they would consider allowing mother to return the next time we honor our ancestors in the ancestral temple. I was very happy... My mother’s life in the nunnery is too bitter...”
“Then they changed their mind?” Feng Zhiwei asked coldly.
“When we were approaching the South Sea, they began stonewalling and have not given me an answer even today.” Anger and sadness flashed in Yan Huaishi’s eyes. “My Mother and I ... are puppets. I don’t even want to be the next Family Head, and it would be impossible anyway. I work hard because I want them to recognize me and I want my mother to safely return. I want her to live a better life. My mother has been cut off from both sides of her family, and she suffers bitterly in the nunnery. The last time I saw her, she seemed aged far beyond her years...”
Yan Huaishi gasped, choking on his sobs.
“So you choose to step back, hoping to appeal to their conscience.” Feng Zhiwei concluded for him.
Yan Huaishi stood there silently for a long time. Finally, he nodded: “I was wrong.”
“Yes, you were wrong.” Feng Zhiwei uncourageously agreed. “In the face of such heartless and cold people, your warm blood will never have an effect. Instead of conceding to their rapaciousness, you must fight with all your strength. If you were the Family Head, who would dare humiliate your mother?”
“After our conversation yesterday, and after seeing them now, I understand.” Yan Huaishi replied. “There is no way they will honor their words. Their hints were only lies to trick me into abandoning my merit so they could more easily kick me down. In the end, I have returned with nothing and am attacked by the envious. If I am not powerful enough to protect myself, how could I protect my mother? If I retreat, I die. If I advance, it will be into danger. Even if both ways lead to death, I can at least choose to die bravely.”